it hurts more in the daytime
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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