I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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