I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
