She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
