maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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