Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
honey bunches of taint.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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