"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
