just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
false alarm, still single
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
