? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
