Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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