I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
NoShamevember. You game?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize