from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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