you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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