Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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