Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
