Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
