Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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