So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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