I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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