ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
