i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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