Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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