I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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