You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
