so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
