I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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