does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
