yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
