I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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