And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
