Don't you send me to vm
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
