My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
