I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize