I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
