Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
