at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
