and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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