I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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