yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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