I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
