it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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