I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
