Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
