you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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