he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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