the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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