allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
