I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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