totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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