its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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