O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
