i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
