This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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