You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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