party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
