Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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