hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
