I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
