Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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