I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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