I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
