you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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