too bad you live with your parents still
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
