I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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