i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
