My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
