I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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