just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
