Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
