and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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