The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
