Jerry, you need to find god
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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