Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
