dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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